Happy Easter, Happy Life

It's been a rough past month or so, on a road, on a different path, heading in a different direction and a new beginning....

Truthfully in all honesty, I haven't been handling this new change as best as i possibly can, but I have faith, on this new dawn of a new season with the ending of this Lent season, all will be alright. I've been struggling so hard to find a positive swing on all of this, I've been rather wreckless this past month, with all the up and down emotions with life, the change, the relationships.. I've been coping pretty badly... with all the sleepless nights, long chats with friends, emotional venting and excessive drinking, going out and smoking at the worst if it all... I'm feeling renewed tonight, maybe I'll still feel down and up and down from this day on, but at this point, this very point, I feel content, I don't regret anything that has happened within this past month or so... from all the relationships, all the drunken-ness, all the smoked cigarettes, all the pain and venting relieved, I'm glad it has all happened. I know that it won't be like this forever, I have the faith that I'll get through all of this, and I know this wasnt the best season for me to be all wreckless and different against the usual level headed me, but I know that it'll be for the best :)

God has so much in store for me and I'm ready to welcome it all in with open arms. I appreciate all the family, all the friends, all the long talks that I've been having, and for everyone who has been putting up with my confusing.. ooh soo confusing! conversations. Maybe i've been pretty off with communication lately, all of my friends know.... and to anyone new that I'm building new relations with, know that this isn't a permanent thing. I guess it's all the emotional brokeness going on, all the breaking and making and building a new... just have faith that i'm far more worth it if any...

It's crazy that i'm still up at 10 till 4 in the morning, i have yet to go church if anyone's down to drag me and help me break down completely :) it's been a long weekend. I've been neglecting everything important in life to get out my mini crisis of constant multiple breakdowns. And despite the fact that I know this isn't going to be like this forever, i am truly grateful that I am soo blessed to have such great unconditional friends in my life. The ones that tell you what you're doing wrong, but rollover and just let you make your own decisions, but still stick by your side when you constantly make the same mistakes lol. i know... i love you all...

God has been blessing me... and i know i have to pick up with my life and finally get things going right? I still have a lot to learn, a lot to change and alot to pursue... All the optimistic life changes, it's about time right?

Thank you God for this season in my life where i have to let go of the things that make me comfortable, break me down and build me up again. You are ooh so awesome...

Until the next time..... I pray i will rest easy tonight...