the devils at play

foolish, foolish me,
for i thought i understood
have i been that far gone
that i had forgotten so well.

the thoughts, the feelings,
the hurt and pain,
all of which i strived so hard
to stay away from

i tell you, this is it,
the very epitome of everything i fear
all the feelings i surpress
all the feelings i hold in

why i walk and not run
why i do not voice out my feelings
why i just merely get by
on the words that you say
and linger forever on the meaning behind them.

how can i be more obvious,
how can i be more insecure
heartbroken and out there
why? why do i feel so gone

am i dead? am i dead inside finally?
too many heartbreaks have left me
abandoned me to suffer on my own
to stand on my own two feet
i resent you two feet that hold me up

just let me fall and never get back up again
cause then it would hurt far less
or not at all

for i was too afraid to be too upfront
and now that i do or when i thought i did
it's comes back to haunt me

how naive, how foolish you are my dear
for the words haunt me and pick at my mind
the sleepless hours of this world
and i am yet awake
awake lingering on everything thought

has it really been that long?!

am i really that sad over this?
something that hasn't even been that long
for something that only seemed temporary

is it because i'm so oblivious to feelings
or that i'm too afraid that someone may actually feel that way

what is it, that makes me so nervous
it's the heartbreak isn't it.

i swear i feel my heart breaking
hanging from a string, but the question is why

because to be soooo foolish and let someone feel that way
to be soo lost and caught up and then pull myself down

because my thoughts ate at me
or because there was no trust?

so much anger and resentment,
never have i felt so surpressed

for so long i haven't cried like this
yet i hold it all back,
what is it with this wreckless heart
why does it keep beating

why doesn't it just stop
stop beating cause there's really no use

please please stop beating.
please please let my mind rest.
please stop playing these games

this piece here is not a toy
for far too long
too many players
too many tricks
too many games

this piece is far too fragile to be playing this game.
no apologies.
no remorse
no feelings

i feel like simply a toy to you.

or is it all my insecurities that kill me.

the devil is out to get me tonight and for who knows how long.

another night i won't sleep till dawn.