Don't call me ©
by Tiffany Ganotisi
Don't call me anymore
i'm not ready for love
i don't want to get caught up
i've been hurt before
there's still pieces that i can't find
his story still plagues my mind
sooo, why are you treating me so right
what's the catch this time
why are you sweeping me off my feet
is this just the eve of deceit
what's your intentions
what do you want from me
what's your ulterior motive
are you gonna make me fall then leave
don't call me anymore
i don't want to get hurt again
don't' call me anymore
cause i feel the feelings rush in
don't give me a single red rose
don't you show up at my door
stop trying to make me yours
quit giving me nicknames
i'm scared of the change
cause i'm hooked on you
why are you taking my breath away
what kind of game you trying to play
how do you know exactly what to say
where's your script to the play
what's our intention
what do you want from
what's your ulterior motive
are you gonna make me fall than leave
don't call me anymore
i don't want to get hurt anymore
don't call me anymore
cause i feel all the feelings rush in
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
to those of you...
to those of you who are too afraid
to let your heart feel
the icey hearts of those who have been let down
one to many times
the hardened hearts
who fought so hard to build those walls
to those of you
who built those walls from scratch
the walls that at first started as straw,
but then were blown away with heartache
the walls that then were built with brick,
but then were foolish crushed through unexpectedly
to those of you who had torn down bridges unknowingly
the bridges that had formed first through friendship
and then grew into interest
the bridges that sparked from interest to like
then unexpectedly crashed and burned to despair
to those of you who had burdened
such despair and resentment,
which started through interest and hope
to those of you who had started
with wishful thinking and positive thoughts,
which started with a look, grew with a smile
and flourished with a kiss
to those of you who had leaped and jumped
and ran to the edge of the cliff
which initiated with a kiss,
grew with a question and snowballed with doubt
to those of you who had got lost in translation
with the words yet unsaid
for than became the basis of the arguments
and the confusion at state
to those of you who had tried desperately
to find meaning within the words in between
for they had become the basis of subliminal messages
of truth hidden and surpressed
to those of you who had realized what they had done
and lost subconsciously
for they had been so guarded
and oblivious to see what was really at state
for the times that they kissed and smiled so deeply
all the questions that lingered and faltered relentlessly
for the awkward moments of devastation and social casualty
all the heartache attached, all the physicalities consumed
for the pieces of heart and self that were put forward in faith
and then selfishly ravished away into the thoughts of the mind
for what is done and cannot at all be taken back
for the damage is done, and there is not much yet to heal
but the feelings that were present, all that much was too real
but all the confusing matters at heart, all the suffering done
all the indifference and bruising, disbelief of chance in being the one
for it wasn't even that long of a time, to put your heart out there
to get broken, yet not cry,
yet enough to do damage to the friendship at hand,
the circumstances of a real purpose...
all the thoughts on demand
for what they've felt before now seems absent
and has diminished if so, this was all just meant for your amusement,
brief and to the point.. for what once was so pure initially at birth
has ended so brutally, with apathetic concern and pure mirth.
to let your heart feel
the icey hearts of those who have been let down
one to many times
the hardened hearts
who fought so hard to build those walls
to those of you
who built those walls from scratch
the walls that at first started as straw,
but then were blown away with heartache
the walls that then were built with brick,
but then were foolish crushed through unexpectedly
to those of you who had torn down bridges unknowingly
the bridges that had formed first through friendship
and then grew into interest
the bridges that sparked from interest to like
then unexpectedly crashed and burned to despair
to those of you who had burdened
such despair and resentment,
which started through interest and hope
to those of you who had started
with wishful thinking and positive thoughts,
which started with a look, grew with a smile
and flourished with a kiss
to those of you who had leaped and jumped
and ran to the edge of the cliff
which initiated with a kiss,
grew with a question and snowballed with doubt
to those of you who had got lost in translation
with the words yet unsaid
for than became the basis of the arguments
and the confusion at state
to those of you who had tried desperately
to find meaning within the words in between
for they had become the basis of subliminal messages
of truth hidden and surpressed
to those of you who had realized what they had done
and lost subconsciously
for they had been so guarded
and oblivious to see what was really at state
for the times that they kissed and smiled so deeply
all the questions that lingered and faltered relentlessly
for the awkward moments of devastation and social casualty
all the heartache attached, all the physicalities consumed
for the pieces of heart and self that were put forward in faith
and then selfishly ravished away into the thoughts of the mind
for what is done and cannot at all be taken back
for the damage is done, and there is not much yet to heal
but the feelings that were present, all that much was too real
but all the confusing matters at heart, all the suffering done
all the indifference and bruising, disbelief of chance in being the one
for it wasn't even that long of a time, to put your heart out there
to get broken, yet not cry,
yet enough to do damage to the friendship at hand,
the circumstances of a real purpose...
all the thoughts on demand
for what they've felt before now seems absent
and has diminished if so, this was all just meant for your amusement,
brief and to the point.. for what once was so pure initially at birth
has ended so brutally, with apathetic concern and pure mirth.
Day by Day
"She came home smelling like cigarettes, another night deep stench of tini breath.... whooooa oh oh oh.."
the anthem for the past 2 months practically.
what is this fixation with finding happiness. haaaaa. it's normal right. this constant feeling of wanting to find something pure, something permanent something far more reassuring than a temporary squeeze, a quick fix, a puff smoke or a momentary adrenaline rush...
i want so much more in life, i want to find pure happiness, i want to find something, maybe even someone if possible to fill my days with reassurance and happiness, something or someone where i will have no doubts, i will build no walls, all my troubles will be gone for once in my life and for once int he longest time i'll be able to crack an actual, legit, honest to God smile, knowing in the back of my head that this is something that will have meaning, something that won't just last for the moment of now...
I want something far much more than that.
Sadly i feel like i've been settling, i have actually... building up these walls to protect myself, only to realize that i was shutting out a good thing, but whyyy? only to protect myself from the evils of what this possible good thing can bring forth, and shutting out the good things this thing could offer. Maybe it's done, maybe it's completely gone and over the moment of what really is, maybe I made the biggest mistakes these past few days or couple months.. i don't know. But i know that I'll always want more...
Sadly to the say the least, I feel like maybe I am the way I am because I have lost so much faith in love, in trust, in finding a friendship that will be so much more than that, and in finding the love of your life and a spouse who will be truly faithful and see only you. I want so much to have all of that... but it's all so distant. Is it because of all of these crazy walls that build up around me, that create this maze... that for anyone who tries to pursue me will just get utterly lost in all of my translation, because now none of the walls i build make sense, not to them and no to me either. God help me because I can't seem to get on my two feet. I can't distinguish good from evil if there is any.
But i've realized if you continue to be so guarded, you shut out all the good things in your life and could possibly be losing out on the one thing that could've been the best thing ever to you.
have i done that. could this have been that one good thing. she had told me, with a confused yet, disturbed face... "this one was different.. omg... don't tell me he could've possibly be the one... because it's different..." and that scares me..
how am i supposed to know. it seems the first time around that I was so afraid of facing someone different someone I'm so not used to, that i turned them away and disregarded them completely or so it seems in their eyes. but now in all of this, i swear I wish i could've taken it all back, but i guess i can't now.
i guess that's how things work right. everyone has their momentary lapses of misjudgment, and i was his momentary lapse. sadly.. but even if i were to have 'lived completely for the moment'.... would it have been really what we both wanted.
everything happens for a reason...
and i'm still learning..
and consequently.. i'm still completely and utterly distraught...
i'll still feel this way tonight, my heart will still ache for truth, and i'll still rise in the morning with a heart full of regret...
but mind keeps telling me to shut everything out...
I need God now more than ever.
the anthem for the past 2 months practically.
what is this fixation with finding happiness. haaaaa. it's normal right. this constant feeling of wanting to find something pure, something permanent something far more reassuring than a temporary squeeze, a quick fix, a puff smoke or a momentary adrenaline rush...
i want so much more in life, i want to find pure happiness, i want to find something, maybe even someone if possible to fill my days with reassurance and happiness, something or someone where i will have no doubts, i will build no walls, all my troubles will be gone for once in my life and for once int he longest time i'll be able to crack an actual, legit, honest to God smile, knowing in the back of my head that this is something that will have meaning, something that won't just last for the moment of now...
I want something far much more than that.
Sadly i feel like i've been settling, i have actually... building up these walls to protect myself, only to realize that i was shutting out a good thing, but whyyy? only to protect myself from the evils of what this possible good thing can bring forth, and shutting out the good things this thing could offer. Maybe it's done, maybe it's completely gone and over the moment of what really is, maybe I made the biggest mistakes these past few days or couple months.. i don't know. But i know that I'll always want more...
Sadly to the say the least, I feel like maybe I am the way I am because I have lost so much faith in love, in trust, in finding a friendship that will be so much more than that, and in finding the love of your life and a spouse who will be truly faithful and see only you. I want so much to have all of that... but it's all so distant. Is it because of all of these crazy walls that build up around me, that create this maze... that for anyone who tries to pursue me will just get utterly lost in all of my translation, because now none of the walls i build make sense, not to them and no to me either. God help me because I can't seem to get on my two feet. I can't distinguish good from evil if there is any.
But i've realized if you continue to be so guarded, you shut out all the good things in your life and could possibly be losing out on the one thing that could've been the best thing ever to you.
have i done that. could this have been that one good thing. she had told me, with a confused yet, disturbed face... "this one was different.. omg... don't tell me he could've possibly be the one... because it's different..." and that scares me..
how am i supposed to know. it seems the first time around that I was so afraid of facing someone different someone I'm so not used to, that i turned them away and disregarded them completely or so it seems in their eyes. but now in all of this, i swear I wish i could've taken it all back, but i guess i can't now.
i guess that's how things work right. everyone has their momentary lapses of misjudgment, and i was his momentary lapse. sadly.. but even if i were to have 'lived completely for the moment'.... would it have been really what we both wanted.
everything happens for a reason...
and i'm still learning..
and consequently.. i'm still completely and utterly distraught...
i'll still feel this way tonight, my heart will still ache for truth, and i'll still rise in the morning with a heart full of regret...
but mind keeps telling me to shut everything out...
I need God now more than ever.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter, Happy Life
It's been a rough past month or so, on a road, on a different path, heading in a different direction and a new beginning....
Truthfully in all honesty, I haven't been handling this new change as best as i possibly can, but I have faith, on this new dawn of a new season with the ending of this Lent season, all will be alright. I've been struggling so hard to find a positive swing on all of this, I've been rather wreckless this past month, with all the up and down emotions with life, the change, the relationships.. I've been coping pretty badly... with all the sleepless nights, long chats with friends, emotional venting and excessive drinking, going out and smoking at the worst if it all... I'm feeling renewed tonight, maybe I'll still feel down and up and down from this day on, but at this point, this very point, I feel content, I don't regret anything that has happened within this past month or so... from all the relationships, all the drunken-ness, all the smoked cigarettes, all the pain and venting relieved, I'm glad it has all happened. I know that it won't be like this forever, I have the faith that I'll get through all of this, and I know this wasnt the best season for me to be all wreckless and different against the usual level headed me, but I know that it'll be for the best :)
God has so much in store for me and I'm ready to welcome it all in with open arms. I appreciate all the family, all the friends, all the long talks that I've been having, and for everyone who has been putting up with my confusing.. ooh soo confusing! conversations. Maybe i've been pretty off with communication lately, all of my friends know.... and to anyone new that I'm building new relations with, know that this isn't a permanent thing. I guess it's all the emotional brokeness going on, all the breaking and making and building a new... just have faith that i'm far more worth it if any...
It's crazy that i'm still up at 10 till 4 in the morning, i have yet to go church if anyone's down to drag me and help me break down completely :) it's been a long weekend. I've been neglecting everything important in life to get out my mini crisis of constant multiple breakdowns. And despite the fact that I know this isn't going to be like this forever, i am truly grateful that I am soo blessed to have such great unconditional friends in my life. The ones that tell you what you're doing wrong, but rollover and just let you make your own decisions, but still stick by your side when you constantly make the same mistakes lol. i know... i love you all...
God has been blessing me... and i know i have to pick up with my life and finally get things going right? I still have a lot to learn, a lot to change and alot to pursue... All the optimistic life changes, it's about time right?
Thank you God for this season in my life where i have to let go of the things that make me comfortable, break me down and build me up again. You are ooh so awesome...
Until the next time..... I pray i will rest easy tonight...
Truthfully in all honesty, I haven't been handling this new change as best as i possibly can, but I have faith, on this new dawn of a new season with the ending of this Lent season, all will be alright. I've been struggling so hard to find a positive swing on all of this, I've been rather wreckless this past month, with all the up and down emotions with life, the change, the relationships.. I've been coping pretty badly... with all the sleepless nights, long chats with friends, emotional venting and excessive drinking, going out and smoking at the worst if it all... I'm feeling renewed tonight, maybe I'll still feel down and up and down from this day on, but at this point, this very point, I feel content, I don't regret anything that has happened within this past month or so... from all the relationships, all the drunken-ness, all the smoked cigarettes, all the pain and venting relieved, I'm glad it has all happened. I know that it won't be like this forever, I have the faith that I'll get through all of this, and I know this wasnt the best season for me to be all wreckless and different against the usual level headed me, but I know that it'll be for the best :)
God has so much in store for me and I'm ready to welcome it all in with open arms. I appreciate all the family, all the friends, all the long talks that I've been having, and for everyone who has been putting up with my confusing.. ooh soo confusing! conversations. Maybe i've been pretty off with communication lately, all of my friends know.... and to anyone new that I'm building new relations with, know that this isn't a permanent thing. I guess it's all the emotional brokeness going on, all the breaking and making and building a new... just have faith that i'm far more worth it if any...
It's crazy that i'm still up at 10 till 4 in the morning, i have yet to go church if anyone's down to drag me and help me break down completely :) it's been a long weekend. I've been neglecting everything important in life to get out my mini crisis of constant multiple breakdowns. And despite the fact that I know this isn't going to be like this forever, i am truly grateful that I am soo blessed to have such great unconditional friends in my life. The ones that tell you what you're doing wrong, but rollover and just let you make your own decisions, but still stick by your side when you constantly make the same mistakes lol. i know... i love you all...
God has been blessing me... and i know i have to pick up with my life and finally get things going right? I still have a lot to learn, a lot to change and alot to pursue... All the optimistic life changes, it's about time right?
Thank you God for this season in my life where i have to let go of the things that make me comfortable, break me down and build me up again. You are ooh so awesome...
Until the next time..... I pray i will rest easy tonight...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Aquarious Daily Horoscope
With the sensitive Moon in your tenth house of public image and status, pressure starts to build. It is important for you to be clear in your communications with others, even if you feel like others will not agree with you. It is better to be considered a renegade than to be considered dishonest. Speak up for what you believe in. Today is the most sacred day in the Christian calendar, when the crucifixion of Christ is commemorated, but even those who are not religious will benefit from a few quiet moments of reflection on the way that life is renewed at this time of year by the suffusion of divine light into our lives. Read more on Good Friday. Favourable colours are dusky rose and antique silver. Lucky numbers are 1 and 3.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
the devils at play
foolish, foolish me,
for i thought i understood
have i been that far gone
that i had forgotten so well.
the thoughts, the feelings,
the hurt and pain,
all of which i strived so hard
to stay away from
i tell you, this is it,
the very epitome of everything i fear
all the feelings i surpress
all the feelings i hold in
why i walk and not run
why i do not voice out my feelings
why i just merely get by
on the words that you say
and linger forever on the meaning behind them.
how can i be more obvious,
how can i be more insecure
heartbroken and out there
why? why do i feel so gone
am i dead? am i dead inside finally?
too many heartbreaks have left me
abandoned me to suffer on my own
to stand on my own two feet
i resent you two feet that hold me up
just let me fall and never get back up again
cause then it would hurt far less
or not at all
for i was too afraid to be too upfront
and now that i do or when i thought i did
it's comes back to haunt me
how naive, how foolish you are my dear
for the words haunt me and pick at my mind
the sleepless hours of this world
and i am yet awake
awake lingering on everything thought
has it really been that long?!
am i really that sad over this?
something that hasn't even been that long
for something that only seemed temporary
is it because i'm so oblivious to feelings
or that i'm too afraid that someone may actually feel that way
what is it, that makes me so nervous
it's the heartbreak isn't it.
i swear i feel my heart breaking
hanging from a string, but the question is why
because to be soooo foolish and let someone feel that way
to be soo lost and caught up and then pull myself down
because my thoughts ate at me
or because there was no trust?
so much anger and resentment,
never have i felt so surpressed
for so long i haven't cried like this
yet i hold it all back,
what is it with this wreckless heart
why does it keep beating
why doesn't it just stop
stop beating cause there's really no use
please please stop beating.
please please let my mind rest.
please stop playing these games
this piece here is not a toy
for far too long
too many players
too many tricks
too many games
this piece is far too fragile to be playing this game.
no apologies.
no remorse
no feelings
i feel like simply a toy to you.
or is it all my insecurities that kill me.
the devil is out to get me tonight and for who knows how long.
another night i won't sleep till dawn.
for i thought i understood
have i been that far gone
that i had forgotten so well.
the thoughts, the feelings,
the hurt and pain,
all of which i strived so hard
to stay away from
i tell you, this is it,
the very epitome of everything i fear
all the feelings i surpress
all the feelings i hold in
why i walk and not run
why i do not voice out my feelings
why i just merely get by
on the words that you say
and linger forever on the meaning behind them.
how can i be more obvious,
how can i be more insecure
heartbroken and out there
why? why do i feel so gone
am i dead? am i dead inside finally?
too many heartbreaks have left me
abandoned me to suffer on my own
to stand on my own two feet
i resent you two feet that hold me up
just let me fall and never get back up again
cause then it would hurt far less
or not at all
for i was too afraid to be too upfront
and now that i do or when i thought i did
it's comes back to haunt me
how naive, how foolish you are my dear
for the words haunt me and pick at my mind
the sleepless hours of this world
and i am yet awake
awake lingering on everything thought
has it really been that long?!
am i really that sad over this?
something that hasn't even been that long
for something that only seemed temporary
is it because i'm so oblivious to feelings
or that i'm too afraid that someone may actually feel that way
what is it, that makes me so nervous
it's the heartbreak isn't it.
i swear i feel my heart breaking
hanging from a string, but the question is why
because to be soooo foolish and let someone feel that way
to be soo lost and caught up and then pull myself down
because my thoughts ate at me
or because there was no trust?
so much anger and resentment,
never have i felt so surpressed
for so long i haven't cried like this
yet i hold it all back,
what is it with this wreckless heart
why does it keep beating
why doesn't it just stop
stop beating cause there's really no use
please please stop beating.
please please let my mind rest.
please stop playing these games
this piece here is not a toy
for far too long
too many players
too many tricks
too many games
this piece is far too fragile to be playing this game.
no apologies.
no remorse
no feelings
i feel like simply a toy to you.
or is it all my insecurities that kill me.
the devil is out to get me tonight and for who knows how long.
another night i won't sleep till dawn.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Horoscope.
Sun Apr 5: Release Resentment
You could have an emotional breakthrough in an important relationship today; it may be painful and come at a high price, but it should be worth it. If you have been allowing past conditioning to interfere with your happiness, now is the time to change things. Be angry with who you are angry with and not someone who is simply a stand in. Release resentment and you will find freedom. For Christians, today is Palm Sunday, marking the beginning of Holy Week. Favourable colours are amethyst and cream. Lucky numbers are 16 and 27.
Right on cue. what's going on with my life.
You could have an emotional breakthrough in an important relationship today; it may be painful and come at a high price, but it should be worth it. If you have been allowing past conditioning to interfere with your happiness, now is the time to change things. Be angry with who you are angry with and not someone who is simply a stand in. Release resentment and you will find freedom. For Christians, today is Palm Sunday, marking the beginning of Holy Week. Favourable colours are amethyst and cream. Lucky numbers are 16 and 27.
Right on cue. what's going on with my life.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
OMFG April 2009 Tarotscope
Aquarius Tarotscope for April 2009
(Check your rising sign too, for a balanced forecast. Go to Tarotscopes)
This monthly Tarotscope is a reading of the Tarot cards as they relate to your Sun sign. The reading reveals the energies affecting your sign as they relate to romance and emotion, career, finances and the general tone of your being or soul in the month ahead.
Romance and Relationship
Five of Wands
Ooh! The games someone is playing with and around you right now are highly questionable. You are the target of manipulative, self-seeking nonsense. It would seem however, that you swiftly see through the charade and make some strong decisions in relation to it. The outcome involves you in celebrating a release, a freedom from a negative influence and a much more tranquil heart than you've had in a long time.
Career
Five of Cups
A partnership of some sort seems to have come to an empty end. But wait, there's salvage yet to be attained from the project or process that appears to have foundered. Look closely and clearly at what good you can redeem from the disappointment. With strength and calm you can rebuild that which was a good career idea on your own. The outcome will be excellent. A new beginning.
Finances
The Fool
Not the time to be taking financial risks Aquarius. You would find yourself tired, stressed and very precariously balanced. You may be having all sorts of high-flying fantasies about the positive possibilities that the risk you're tempted to take could bring about. All it would bring about is a great big tumble. Err on the side of caution, no matter how attractive the risk outcome might seem.
Focus of Soul or Being
Page of Cups
Because you're feeling particularly sensitive and vulnerable right now, you are tempted to throw caution to the wind and make willy-nilly decisions in the hope that you might feel strong again as a result. What you need now, Aquarius, is time: time to yourself, time to meditate and take stock of recent events and changes in your life, time to sit back and relax while you regenerate those creative juices of yours.
(Check your rising sign too, for a balanced forecast. Go to Tarotscopes)
This monthly Tarotscope is a reading of the Tarot cards as they relate to your Sun sign. The reading reveals the energies affecting your sign as they relate to romance and emotion, career, finances and the general tone of your being or soul in the month ahead.
Romance and Relationship
Five of Wands
Ooh! The games someone is playing with and around you right now are highly questionable. You are the target of manipulative, self-seeking nonsense. It would seem however, that you swiftly see through the charade and make some strong decisions in relation to it. The outcome involves you in celebrating a release, a freedom from a negative influence and a much more tranquil heart than you've had in a long time.
Career
Five of Cups
A partnership of some sort seems to have come to an empty end. But wait, there's salvage yet to be attained from the project or process that appears to have foundered. Look closely and clearly at what good you can redeem from the disappointment. With strength and calm you can rebuild that which was a good career idea on your own. The outcome will be excellent. A new beginning.
Finances
The Fool
Not the time to be taking financial risks Aquarius. You would find yourself tired, stressed and very precariously balanced. You may be having all sorts of high-flying fantasies about the positive possibilities that the risk you're tempted to take could bring about. All it would bring about is a great big tumble. Err on the side of caution, no matter how attractive the risk outcome might seem.
Focus of Soul or Being
Page of Cups
Because you're feeling particularly sensitive and vulnerable right now, you are tempted to throw caution to the wind and make willy-nilly decisions in the hope that you might feel strong again as a result. What you need now, Aquarius, is time: time to yourself, time to meditate and take stock of recent events and changes in your life, time to sit back and relax while you regenerate those creative juices of yours.
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