I'm Dying to Know

so this is how it feels
my hearts a little more broken
my hearts a little more torn
my feelings are a little more sulkin
and my thoughts are now a little more used.

i'm trying to resist it
i'm trying to refrain
but i can't rest without closure
i already know it won't be the same

but my heart or my mind
i can't tell which lingers most
the one that keeps melting constantly
or the one who fails to stop boasting

my pride is within me,
but yet i know it's only fair
but how you keep leaving me hanging
drifting, fluttering in the air

its not right, it's uncool,
it's unfair i say to you
but your answers are sporadic
they leave me lonely and still

i keep grasping for something
as i hang on for my dear will
i hate to say it but i'm crestfallen
by this path you lead me down

cause my mind yes you have stolen
and my heart won't be around
because it's confused and mutilated
its damage now and still

you persistently knock out my existing attempts
my false allegations, interpretations if you will

the last two months have been so crazy
my mind was hanging by a thread
and my heart is now tucked away
far deep inside into the darkness of it's bed

i'm not ready for the truth possibly
but my heart tells me i must know
that this game we have started long ago
is gone now, and yet i'll never know

what made you steal that part of me
what made you so eager to fin
or was this all a ploy again
and i was just a trophy for you to win

all my sleepless nights and questions
showed nothing of me still
just of quiet desperation
and of your temporary fill

you could tell me that you're sorry
but that would be so new
you could tell me i meant nothing
then i'd slowly swallow that pill

that pill of insecurity
of how you shot me down until
my mind and body segregated
i was just your prey
and you were just in it for the kill

or maybe i'm just conjuring up
whatever makes best sense
all that hurt and all those feelings
all the physicalities so intense.

i guess i was all along
just another notch you see
you'll go on and forget
yet you'll always remember me

cause one day you'll think back again
and recall all the happiness then the hate
for that momentary lapse of misjudgment
my thoughts of you will soon dissipate

but the questions will remain with you
and you'll wonder yes indeed
did you do what was right instead
or did you just merely fail to succeed

a relationship
a friendship
a fling quite possibly

what was i to you
please tell me
cause i'm just dying to know
what i'm measured up to be.